Do you know the feeling of neglect? Do you know how it feels to feel devalued in your home and with your own husband? I do. It’s not a good feeling either. It is infuriating and yet the most helpless one could be of being in control of one’s self worth – or so we tell ourselves in our minds.
It had been a month full of me finessing my workload to accommodate my newest child a.k.a. my husband. It was not going well and we were not seeing eye to eye on so many things. I had to ask him again if he had any mental illness in his family because the way that I kept mulling over the plans we should have been good and stable by now. Emmanuel took my questioning to be an insult, as usual, but I was serious. I wasn’t trying to be funny, I was trying to get to the bottom as to why he wasn’t falling in to his place as head of our household.
A light appeared at the end of the hope tunnel one day as he declared that he was going out by himself to just see things and to give me a break. I was delighted inwardly, but apprehensive. What could I do but allow this to play itself out. I continued on with my day and went to allow my mind to rest – alone and happily window shopping at the mall.
My daughter and I returned to an empty house so we set about our evening and settled in to watch a movie. We heard the door open with the usual rattle of the blinds on the door and then promptly close. Then the sound of footsteps with a “good evening” came next. We both greeted him and his 2 big bags of things. I smiled in anticipation and wonderment as to where the money came from to buy these things.
Emmanuel was smiling ear to ear, so I waited as he opened his bags of things. He produced a new set of Dre Beats headphones – very stylish as we’d sampled them at the mall a few weeks ago. Next the phone! It was nice and sleek just as Samsung would want their product to be presented. Some new shoes made their debut and were just his size and fit him nicely.
So where was my gift, you ask? Ah, the last item to emerge was a necklace. A necklace that could be bought on any street in Bangkok. A necklace of 1 piece of leather with an emblem made of fake whatever, don’t even fuckin’ matter. WTH is this? I thought. So, you bought yourself all this new and latest shit and you bought me a cheap necklace from a street vendor.
My daughter promptly left the room as my thoughts became words.
“So, you bought yourself these things for yourself and you didn’t come home or call me to see which bills needed to be paid?!” Emmanuel continued his smile and said that his sisters sent him the money and advised him that he was only to spend it on himself.
If this were ever true there is a good place in Hell for women who treat other women this way. And yet, that still may be too good for them. I still tend to believe that his sisters did say something like this because he lied so much about his current situation in the house. At the same time, it wasn’t a secret that I was keeping from them that their brother was not manning up. So, instead of them sending the money to help him help his household they sent him money for him to enjoy as if he’d been the one working to maintain a household. This muthafucka didn’t do any business worth having a new Samsung phone!
From then on Emmanuel could never leave those items anywhere near my reach. My plans were to pour bleach on them and slam them as hard up against the wall as I could, then drop them off the balcony if necessary. I could never find them in the house when he was not around either. I think he started carrying all of his more important items with him or hiding them outside instead of in the house with me.
I think we both had the mental problem: me for putting up with being used and him for thinking that I would consult with him on any financial decisions of the household from then on. What would you have done?
None of what you are reading here is in the book, Wanted: Green Card. Share this story with a lady (or man) who is going through the same.